Welcome to the Maltby Miners' Welfare Band Official Website
And Finally
A few smiles to brighten up those long dark nights when you are rehearsing for the next contest.
Tuba Quotes
Tacet ad infinitum
There are two kinds of tuba songs: love songs, and pirate songs.
A pinhole in a trumpet makes the instrument unplayable. A bullet hole in a tuba is never noticed.
Gerard Hoffnung, in explaining the components of his "Stradivarius" tuba, mentions the purpose of the two water keys... "Hot and cold."
Orchestral tuba parts are so easy anyone can play them, or so hard that no one can.
Richard Strauss during an orchestra-rehearsal: "Tuba, too loud again!". He was told, "Maestro, he's not here today!" Richard Strauss, "Well, you tell him, once he's back!"
Trombonists and Cornet Players
Three Trombonists and three Cornet players are travelling by train through Europe on a brass choir tour. At the station, the Cornet players each buy tickets and watch as the three Trombonists buy only a single ticket among them.
"How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asks a Cornet player.
"Watch and you'll see," answers the Trombonist.
They all board the train. The Cornet players take their respective seats but all three Trombonists cram into a restroom and close the door behind them. Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the restroom door and says, "Ticket, please." The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on.
The Cornet players saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea. So after the performance, the Cornet players decided to copy the Trombonists (as they always do) on the return trip and save some money (being clever with money and all that). When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the Trombonists don't buy a ticket at all.
"How are you going to travel without a ticket?" asks one perplexed Cornet player.
Watch and you'll see," answers a Trombonist.
When they board the train the three Cornet players quickly cram into one restroom, and then the Trombonists quickly cram into another one nearby. The train departs.
Shortly afterward, one of the Trombonists leaves their restroom and walks over to the restroom where the Cornet players are hiding. He knocks on the door and says,"Ticket, please....."
Drummer walks into a shop, he says"do you sell guitars in here?" The shop owner asks "are you a drummer ?" The drummer replies" yes I am, how could you tell?" The man answers "this is a fish shop"
And really finally your ideas for the caption to this photo. Answers to the webmaster, address on the contacts page. I will publish them when I get a number.
